And I'm really glad I cover shifts whenever possible for people and they won't do the same for me. I have like 9,345 things to say and I can't ever remember them when I sit down to my computer. Rosie and her tour rolled into Chandler this morning for a few hours, so I drove out to see them. They all seem like really nice boys. We hijacked Chris' grandma's golf cart and tore around her gated community hunting for swimming pools and geriatrics. I'm really pissed they didn't play a show in Phoenix, and I'm really pissed that no one would cover my shift so I could go to Cornerstone with them tonight. Rosie even offered to pay my bus fair home. Selfishness is pretty cool I guess.I officially withdrew from class yesterday, and found out that I can get an 80% tuition refund with a medical/compassionate withdrawal. However, the refund process can take up to two years after the semester that I want to refund. This shit makes my head hurt. I just want to start my new life right.I dunno. Whatever. I want to be en route to California in a big maroon van right now.
I'm flying home tomorrow, for three days. I told my mom on the phone (while switching my car insurance to Geico... so I can get residency out here...) that I'm uncomfortable going to school right now. That sitting on campus, alone, in between my classes is making me depressed. I can feel myself skipping classes again because I just don't give a shit, and I don't want to waste money and fail out. I'd rather only spend $9,000 on one semester instead of $18,000 on half a year.. and by next fall I'll have residency and feel a lot better about life.My mother graciously reacted by telling me she thinks the only solution is to move home. I told her to piss off.My dad attempted to listen a little better and suggested one of them fly out here to talk about it. Faced with the prospect of solely my mother again, I opted instead to fly home. They want me to go see a therapist, or a "neutral", to make sure we don't make a rash decision. Whatever, I get a free flight home. I know what I want, and if they want to hear it from someone else too, that's fine. I just need a chance to adjust and I'm not getting it and I'm panicking. Whatever makes it better, right?The rest of life is pretty good. I think. Yeah. I need more friends. AJ and I were gonna get tattoos later today, but my impromptu flight home delayed it. When I get back we're making an appointment and he's getting a shoulder piece and I'm getting my mitten. Yezz.On that note, a giant sorting grid for DVDs that we made when we were GOing.
One random college dude at BBY today smelled exactly like Matt. No one has before, stranger or friend, and it was the weirdest feeling ever.
I bought two pairs of shoes and a purse. Next paycheck it's two tattoos [feetz!] and a spending spree on thinkgeek. After that, David gets 50% at SGH the first week of October and I'm totally fucking buying Prada sunglasses. Fuck you! I've been sick for a week and the antibiotics my doctor sent out actually gave me a second infection. It's making me miserable and sending me on a mad quest to find things to do. Or buy.
I almost started crying at work today because my body felt so broken and things were just short-circuiting. I haven't been to school in a week because I'm afraid I'm going to overheat and pass out... my body is just so vulnerable, no matter how much water I drink or how much I eat. I'm panicking--I don't want to make the same old attendance mistakes so early. I think it's because it feels so much like summer still, and I haven't been to school in so long; my brain is having serious trouble adjusting, in terms of how brightly the "responsibility" light flashes in my head when my alarm goes off in the mornings.
I think I can actually go out for residency in Arizona, which would drop my tuition from $18,000 to $6,000. Not only would I not need student loans, I wouldn't have to dip into the savings that I have with my parents. I could buy a DSLR and a new laptop and myyyyy handgun. I have to check around with howthefuck car insurance works here and how much it'd be.. so my mom sent me my driving record.
Please explain my 3 tickets for a mere 5 over, every time... O WAIT, THX LAWYR!
I want to buy some new shoes. But for that, I need new shelves. I also really want to go clubbing. Danielle, come here right now. Wherever you are at 6am in Michigan. I miss her.I'm excited that my supervisor wants to train me as his replacement, which could happen as soon as next semester. I'm excited about going to shows out here and a crazy new series of Degrassi. I'm excited about taking total advantage of the ridiculous life I could have. Will have. I just keep thinking about that day off and on.. every once and a while. I don't know how I feel sometimes. I wonder about eye color or gender or whether or not it would've been beautiful. I wonder if I would have been a good mother. I wonder if I'd have loved making it work. In the side of my head I'm always saying I made the best choice for myself and for the kind of life I want to raise, because I think I did. But what kind of person would I be today if...
To lighten the mood: an excerpt from my life in home theatre. I cannot draw cows.
